I wrote to my daughter

I like writing. I like putting pen to paper. I like feeling it all unfold. I usually start anything I write with : “ I have no idea what this is going to turn out to be”  and right after this phrase or one with the same meaning I go off to write anything. I’m not sure how my mind anything. I’m not sure how my mind picks them but I know that many times, when I write about something, I would finish with a million, other things to write.

Last year, I bought the most beautiful copy book I have ever owned and I started with the story of my current boyfriend. I actually believed that the guy would eventually be the one and so I addressed the writings to my future daughter! Funny thing is that I ended up with the shortest relationship I ever had. 19days later, he broke it off coincidently on the eve of my 19^th birthday and 1 week before my family left me alone in the country for the next 2 months. I didn’t take it very well and I hid the beautiful copy book away. In an attempt to forget about my stupid little romantic dreams.

A couple months later, I saw the copy book and as it is so beautiful I put it on display with my books. One angry night, I picked it up, eyes full of tears, opened it to the last page I had used and flipped it;

“You are not going to waste because some stupid guy dumped me! I won’t do that to you!”

And from then on, I wrote daily details on there, my struggles and worries and fears. As they turned to words I felt them get lighter and lighter on my shoulders. I write details and stories of the crazy things I did, with friends and alone.

It’s addressed to my daughter, should I have one. I want her to see into the 19yo that is her mother. See into it all. How I learned what I learned and how I earned what I got. How I paid for my short comings and how terrified I was of the future. Of course I will tell her stories but there, she will have a chance to have a conversation with me. To laugh at me and cry with me, me none other than her own mom!

365 ages, details, stories and events! All in words! Sometimes graphs (yes I know but c’mon, I’m a CS student! ) I am very proud to have left no blank pages, I made this capsule of time and it’ll freez those moments for ever.