Why I write!

I hate the moments of pre-writing. The looking out the window and the chewing of the pen. I hate the fear that nothing will come up. I hate the song that is already halfway when the paper is still untouched. I hate the feeling of loss. I had so much to say, my heaf was noisy just a moment ago but here i sit and the world just goes silent.
What if it won’t be worth it anyway? What is i will write it only to throw it out after as many of it predecessors? Were those writings jewels in the trash? Will this one be too?
That much uncertainty is crippling and the fear that the next idea may be your last is one you get used to as you turn you 2nd, 3rd and 4th page. It’s not about the amount you write, it’s about impact and meaning. Will this serve for anything? Will this help anyone? Why do I do this?
Oh yes, right! I do it for the silence! Yes, the same silence i hate is a thrill i live for. Wether the article is a hit or a flop. The silence just before the pe starts to flow is exciting and addictive. The Satisfaction after the pages start to fill is to die for.
I still hate all of the start but I go back to it each time anyway. Simply because by the end, usually, either I or the reader is happy and that makes it all worth it!